Now Where Did that Faith go???

There are mountains in my life right now that seem impossible to climb. It has been months now of tears and sadness. I have watched relationships deteriorate, mental illness and depression overtake people I love, one of my best friends lost her mom to cancer a few days ago,,,and we are all struggling financially, spiritually,,you name it, there is pain and sadness everywhere.

Like a soldier who has gone AWOL I feel as if I have abandoned my spiritual duty. I used to be a woman of faith and prayer and now I find myself diminished to an overanxious, fearful shell of a woman who has relied on outwardly distractions to try to heal what is inside....How did this happen? I lost my faith,,,,but not for long.

My tearful eyes came across this passage in the bible the other day
Mark 11:23
Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain be taken up and thrown into the sea; and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.

I used to believe that this scripture meant that if our faith was big enough, we could literally move a mountain into the sea; but then I would think, "well, I guess no one has faith that big because I have yet to see someone toss a mountain into the sea".

The other day however, I read this scripture differently. I thought about the mountains in our lives: the mountain of fear, the mountain of pain, sadness, despair. Jesus said that by having faith, these mountains WILL be tossed into the sea and what we prayed for SHALL COME TO PASS. Believe and it will come to pass. How wonderful that we should have a God that wants us to have this kind of faith in HIS power. Today, if you are reading this I challenge you to take whatever mountain is in your life and ask God to take it and toss that bad boy into the sea! get rid of it, believe that it shall come to pass. Pray..Pray..Pray

I am resolved that I will be (if anything) a prayerful woman once again. Nothing feels better, more liberating than to come to God with all your worries and fears AND to expect that he will resolve them. He is faithful even when we are not! The Lord says that in this world we WILL have trouble but to take heart! he has overcome the world!

So be it!

LOVE

I am at a crossroads in my life. Like Tracy Chapman sang: " I look to my left I look to my right, hands, they grab me on every side"...
So much to do and I am wondering what direction to take my life in now. I am glad that jewelry making for me quiets my mind and keeps me focused on a task. The finished outcome is always a good release of energy for me. I am proud of what I make, even when it does not come out perfect. I hope that I will come out stronger from these present challenges I face and that my heart will be at peace, filled with hope and laughter. I am, after all, a great woman who deserves all these things. So are all of you who read this. Keep on doing what you are doing that makes you happy, hopeful and strong.

LOVE courageously.....

I created these hand stamped necklaces with comforting words in mind and I hope you like them :)

LIVE LAUGH LOVE


HOPE


PEACE/LIVE

Stay Gold

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

I remember reading "The Outsiders" by S.E. Hinton and of course this poem has stayed with me for years. Ponyboy Curtis and Johnny, who remembers them?

PEACE

What I am looking for
What the world needs
What you need....

Let It Go

What I hoped would be impossible. My creative energy has been at a stalemate for the last few weeks. I broke my ankle and then someone broke my heart. So now I am dealing with fixing things both physical and spiritual. Trust me when I say I had days when I wanted to give up. What is it like when you are faced with blatant rejection and serious disappointment? I've done the pajama and uncombed hair thing. I have called 100 friends to help me in this time. Seriously I truly understand all those songs that make u want to cry in the bathroom and take a few valium....I must say I do not always shy away from the truth of my feelings. I had big plans and hopes and when you have to let a dream go....that is the hardest part. So my goal today is to reach out to all of you because the creative process in everything we do suffers when we suffer. As one well known artist has said "as artists we are eternally brokenhearted" and I agree totally with that statement. I gotta tell you that I am not afraid. I am not afraid. I am truly blessed because God has given me countless people who have loved me through everything. My vow today is to take back the power I once had and to remember that I am the daughter of a king. I meditated today and in my mind I saw an image of myself in a small boat leaving the shore of a lake. I saw my wet feet climb into the boat and watched my hands push off from the shore...To let go that is all you have to do...get in the boat and push off the shore...where u go from there is what is called your future, your hope and a new beginning.. Embrace your fear and let it go..Like Erykah Badu sang.."all you must hold on to is you"...Let It Go....Peace and Grace.

Long Island Bead Festival: Wow! I died and went to bead heaven...

Long Island Bead Festival, 09/27/10



The pictures say it all. I should have known better than to walk in there with less than $50.00. Upon entering the Long Island Bead festival in Islandia, Long Island I felt my heart sink into my chest and my brain quickly started calculating what I could do without for the week (like lunch, gas, coffee and what the heck, Kylee does'nt need lunch either, ok, ok just kidding, sort of)just so I could BUY BEADS! shame on me I know. Anyhow here are some pictures of what they had in the showroom. Beautiful turquoise, onyx, quartz, jasper, labradorite gems! Many local jewelry artists were there bumping into one another as they oogled over hundreds upon hundreds of strands of gems and beads. Times like this I wish.....

For any woman over the age of 35..Happy Birthday to U

Ladies Birthday weekend 2010...this is what over 35 looks like

Today is my birthday....Wow. I am 39. One year away from 40. Is it time to create a bucket list? Well, maybe not yet. This morning I actually pondered on how I should approach this day. Should I be grumpy, quiet and ignore this day in hopes that the fact that I am 39 will disappear into a quiet abyss. Unfortunately, Facebook makes that impossible. Since before midnight last night I have been getting updates from all my FB friends wishing me well on this day....So ok, I will face this day. Now I can also take the "today is a new year and I'm gonna make changes!!!!!, new hair, new face, new body, I'm hitting the gym and I am going to fit into that black dress from back in the day when I was 40 pds lighter and 15 years younger". Well, to be honest I don't have the mental energy for that foolishness right now. My booty is big (which actually is NOT a bad thing according to all the guy friends that I know ), my hair is a little grayer, my eyes have slightly dark circles. What is my point?...I am older today. An American woman over the age of 38 in this country...I am one brave bitch to even exist here! Women our age are supposed to be useless now, we are not "young' anymore and if by this point your bank account is low and your career is not necessarily stellar,,,,girl you're totally screwed. Hang up your heels (which probably hurt your feet by now anyway) and break out the comfortable chanclas ( slippers).

Well woman what's it gonna be?:

Today, I dedicate this to all the women who have been where I am today, we are not forgotten women, left to shrivel and be ignored. To all the beautiful women who inspire me to keep it moving because I am a year older and still a year lovelier.

Angela Davis: age 66


Sonia Sotomayor: age 56


Salma Hayek: age 44


Sonia Braga: age 60


Jill Scott and Erykah Badu: 38 and 39

La Gitana, The Gypsy Girl

I have been a gypsy for Halloween atleast 20 times in my lifetime. I love the mystery of the woman. The long hair, smoldering eyes, deep ruby and amber colored jewels. She has hidden powers that we know nothing about. She is free, has no ties and is a maiden of the moonlight dancing with her tambourine....Rich velvet dresses and beautiful scarves. I have dedicated a part of my designs this fall to this beautiful mysterious woman who in many ways can be all of us.

"Edenia"
These are the first pair of hoops I made for my collection. They are copper with Ruby colored crystals wire wrapped many times.




"amber dreams, necklace"
This is a herringbone weave copper, wrapped amber colored crystal necklace


"Esmeralda"
Turquoise and copper hoops

Radiator Building

It was a Sunday morning, I was sitting in my bedroom reading the New York Times. I was 17 years old. An article was written about an exhibition for Georgia O' Keefe at the Metropolitan Museum of Art....enough said, I fell in love with her work. Georgia O'Keefe spent a few years here in our lovely city working in a gallery with her beau Alfred Stieglitz. Only a true lover of all things Georgia and NY can possibly appreciate this simple yet powerful painting. Life has been a turmoil lately and I always look at this picture for a sense of peace. She was able to create in this painting a quiet energetic force which radiates in the neon lit sky and flows through the crisp air that is so NY
"Radiator Building" by Georgia O'Keefe, 1927

Judith Bright: from music executive to jewelry designer

The first thing I ever wire wrapped in my life were birds nest rings. I ended up making a HELL of alot of them because they are so fun to make. Birds nest rings are simply done by taking one large focal bead and taking a fairly large amount of wire, threading it through the hole of the bead and then wrapping that bad boy many times around a ring mandrel until you get the desired shape and size of your ring.

Now, repeat after me Judith Bright does it right!


Judith Bright took the simple birds nest ring and amped it up to a level of sophistication and elegance. I love her designs because she takes this very literal form of wire wrapping and adds emerald cut stones with gold filled or sterling silver wire and creates a very sleek and modern version of this wrapping style.

Here is a hand hammered cuff bracelet with a wire wrapped blue topaz which will run you $218.00



I knew this woman was special when I read her bio. She was a music executive for many years before moving to Italy to learn jewelry design. From there she launched her own company and here you have it. I have been admiring her jewelry for about a year now and if I could afford her stuff..fuggedaboutit.

I love that on her website she has a very simple quote “BE MINDFUL OF THE THINGS THAT NAG,
FOR THESE ARE THE THINGS OF DESTINY”
I totally agree Mrs. Bright :)

Her designs can be found at judithbright.com

Sunshine Award given to me by Chennifer

I want to give a shout out to Chennifer a fellow blogger who I had the honor of meeting through thesitsgirls.com

She is a Latina living in Sweden and she writes beautifully about her life's experiences and as her blog states she is a Latina on a Quest. Presently she is working on the "More than Latina Project". Along with her friend Libby Julia Vazquez this project was born of an idea of collaborating short stories, poetry, photography and art that represents what it means to be a Latina in 2010. How wonderful is that!

Open up the Window!!!

The window of opportunity that is!!!

I have been hand stamping away and unfortunately I still don't have my camera but these are the latest necklaces I made...one has a sterling silver hand stamped disc with four names and a small heart charm, the other says "Live, Laugh, Love"...

I like!

Hey ladies, also soon I should be having a guest blogger visit our wonderful community...from the UK and I visited their website....beautiful bohemian, eclectic, colorful and top of the notch designers...my kinda people!

We do what we have to do, in order to do what we want to do!

There is a very special movie that I watch whenever I need spiritual encouragement, academic inspiration, or just a plain kick in the pants to not wallow in self-pity, It's called " The Great Debaters", directed by Denzel Washington. The movie is about young African American college students in a southern college during the depression era. These young students, all brilliant, made up the Wiley College debate team; the first African American team to not only debate Harvard University but to also defeat them. Forrest Whitaker played Dr. James Farmer, one of the first African Americans to receive a Phd. In the movie Dr. Farmer gives a speech in which he mentioned these words " We do what we have to do, in order to do what we want to do".

"We do what we have to do in order to do what we want to do"....I have pondered on these words and last night I was sitting outside by the canal thinking "what does that all mean?" For me it means two things.

First, of course, I think about responsibility. In order for one to receive the fruits of labor, or any fruits at all, one must put in the time to do the things that one may not really want to do. Studying, working, "paying your dues". Work must come before pleasure.

In my second interpretation I thought about tenacity and perseverance. "We do what we have to do" meaning we will do whatever it takes in order to get to a point where we are doing what we want to do. This focus is more on pleasure. Work is a means to an end, but not the end itself. I know me, when I really want to do something, I will move mountains if need be just to get to that point.

The reason why this is so important to me is because I have been seeing alot of my brothers and sisters working in jobs that they hate. Struggling for the almighty dollar only at the end of the day to feel defeated, broke, without a vision, without a clear sense of what they want. But they do know this...they hate their work. So I challenge them and myself in this....the goal, is to get to a point where you are doing what YOU want to do; and in order to get there we MUST do what we have to do...there is no way around it, but the reward is so great. This is what we pass on to our children, a vision, a hope to move forward into living your life's work, not living your life to work.

In Celebration of change...a super sale on my jewelry

Hi everyone, Today I woke up and out of the blue decided it's time for some change....I have on sale in etsy.com beautiful handmade jewlery which I would like to sell in order to add new things. I have a beautiful pair of copper spiral earrings with amethyst beads, two spiral wrap around rings, and a copper tree of life with real amethyst beads...

I am taking 1/2 off everything in order to set up a new site with other jewelry....

copper earrings originally $20 are now $10..

spiral rings originally $20 are now $10

tree of life originally $20 is now $10

happy shopping everybody!!
If you have any questions or see something of interest that you would like to discuss please e-mail me at cindygutierrez71@yahoo.com

stamping away

I have been practicing my metal stamping and I'm having so much fun, except for a few times when I hammered my thumb instead of the metal! ouch! BTW sparklingshamrock.etsy.com has EVERYTHING you can think of to begin this hobby yourself. Metal stamping kits for beginners, metal discs, designer stamps and they all come with instructions. This is an awesome website if you are interested. The seller's name is Sara and she's got alot of personality and wonderful customer service. I left my camera in Connecticut a few weeks ago so I have been relying on my blackberry for photos...I know, I should smack myself ;) That top necklace has a tiny skull and crossbone stamp placed as the letter "I" but u can't see it too well in this photo...I gotta get that camera ;(

where the heck have I been?

I started working at a pre school two weeks ago. I have the two year old class. Everyday I come home with a new sauce on my pants and crackers in my hair...I still have my other job so working at the pre-school makes two jobs. So as you can guess I have been exhausted! But the dreamer never stops dreaming and the creative spirit never stops creating. In between the cracks and crevices of time I have taken on a new project in my jewelry making journey...metal stamping.

I bought a kit to begin stamping on silver and copper discs and I absolutely LOVE it! here is a very amateur picture of a pendant I made for my cousin who came to visit me from Puerto Rico. I plan on using different styles of fonts and adding birth stones to the pendants...They will come in copper or silver.

Whaddya think, not bad for my first try,,,well, atleast I think
so ;)

On a second note I am honored to have seen a comment from Marisol of Wink Artisans on my blog post about Latina jewelry artists. Her work is fantastic and inspiring, winkartisans.etsy.com...Hi Marisol and thank you for following my blog!!

This one is for the old man...

I want to thank my dad today. I know it's not an awards show or anything but there are days when I think about him and I am so grateful he is my old man. My dad came to the United States when he was still young from Puerto Rico. He grew up in El Barrio, and then went off to fight in Vietnam. As a young man he was a correction officer, taxi driver, security manager, and probably so many other things that I cannot remember. What I will always remember though is his talent for photography and when little girls were being taught how to tie their shoes he was teaching me what an F stop was. When other daddies were buying ice cream and taking their kids to the movies, my dad took me camping, fishing, hiking and of course, we would go off into the world and take photographs. He is the one that taught me about the "eye" that every good photographer must have. I always remember the "eye". Every small interest I had was met with my dad's big ideas of how I could become a dancer, or photographer; I could tour the world, play music; whatever I wanted to be I could be..His advice to me was always, " don't expect people to give you what you want. You need to know what you want and TAKE it".

So I post all this because my dad had offered to give me a lap top computer as a graduation gift. Instead I asked if he could front some dough for jewelry supplies so that eventually I could buy my own laptop...and he obliged without a doubt. I have failed in life many times in the most miserable way and here is my dad with the faith to help me in something he knows I love. I will always love him for supporting my crazy ideas and allowing me to be CINDY. simple as that....

Keep It Simple Stupid...

I feel this eagerness to change many things today. It's like this whirlwind of anxiety came over me and suddenly the world needs to comply with my every whim!

I want to be thinner, I want a perfectly normal relationship. I want to make more money. I want to buy a condo in Long Island City overlooking the most fabulous city in the world. I want to go out dancing every night.

I want to not be disappointed by other people's actions
I want to be free from sadness
I want to be able to wear high heels all night without complaining of foot pain
I want enough money to buy a year's worth of jewelry supplies
I want to be the best mother, best teacher, best designer, best, best, best....
I want to be the prettiest girl in the room
I want to be younger
I want, I want, I want...

do we ever tire of wanting.

I need to feel safe and secure and loved
I need to trust
I need to know that my daughter is happy and safe
I need to make sure that I am always growing spiritually and mentally
I need to know that in God's eyes I am always beautiful
I need to make one piece of jewelry that I love
I need to live in peace, regardless of the view
I need my family
I need to be forgiven
I need to forgive

I think I'll keep it simple today.

Who has inspired you lately?

You know sometimes, you have those off days...everything seems to be fine, your working, doing what your supposed to do, even hanging out with friends. I have been busy this week both with work, being a mom and trying to maintain some form of social life... so I think I have the best of many worlds. It's just sometimes you lose focus of your spiritual/creative side. When I feel like I just simply need inspiration, I look at the work of other people...it inspires me so much because you know you are being invited into someone's creative world and I am challenged to rethink a design or technique. It gives me a new vision.

So today I decided to look at some of Iza Malczyk's wire work. She is from Poland and believe me when I say this is not going to be the last time I post about her. That first picture is the FIRST pendant she ever made. Iza, like myself, started learning how to wire wrap from jewelrylessons.com

Can you see the difference between her early work and now?! uuhhhhh, yeah!!!

I gotta go and practice wirewrapping now.

all of Iza Malczyk's work can be found on her website izamalczyk.com

so mamitas,,,who has inspired your creative side lately?

I've Got a Secret

Have you ever noticed how fashion designers can create these awesome pieces of colorful vibrant, fashion forward inspirations and yet they only ever wear black?

or the hair stylist who can cut color and blowdry hair within an inch of it's life but wears their own hair in a simple pushed back ponytail?

or the artist who paints all the colors of the earth and lives a life of vibrant expression, yet when you go to their homes they have a bed, a desk, clothes on the floor and an empty fridge. (which actually sounds like my house right now, sshhhh)

my secret....I rarely EVER wear jewelry..I can go for weeks without even thinking about putting on a ring, I never wear necklaces, and the last time I wore a bracelet I was about 28 years old. For real, believe it. However, when it is time to go out dancing ya better believe I have on my chandelier earrings and cocktail ring. That's about it. Yeah, earrings are probably the most frequent piece of jewelry I will wear. Don't get me wrong, I love jewelry, I admire it , always want to know how it is made, collect it...I just don't wear it often. You should see my jewelry drawer, it's filled with stuff ;-)

At the advice of my co-worker Karen who is the sweetest thing, I decided to start wearing some of my jewelry; a walking advertisement I suppose. Two days ago I wore this bracelet (the above pictures) to work for the heck of it...and within one hour into my workday I already had a client asking where I got it , and how much. I told her that I had made it and within seconds I had an order for a bracelet....How exciting!..

cindygotwired is about to become cindygotbillboard.

Perseverance

I was about six months pregnant when I decided I wanted to go back to the teaching profession. Rewind 8 years earlier when out of sheer luck I was hired to work in a public school in the South Bronx teaching first graders who spoke no English. At that time NYC was DESPERATE for teachers and they would hire anyone who had a BA and a pulse ;) My first few weeks were awesome and nerve wracking at the same time. I remember preparing my classroom everyday, hanging up the children's paintings, preparing lesson plans as I rode the train home, a 1 1/2 hour ride. The principal would observe my class and encourage me on how well I was doing. He even wanted to have me in the leadership program because he believed I had that much potential. It was a dream come true for me. Though I was so happy to be teaching I remember feeling intensely overwhelmed at the fact that I had no experience, no idea what I was doing AND my primary language was English not Spanish. A gradual wave of self doubt and fear began to overtake me and I let it get the best of me to the point that I worried on the train, as I taught my class, as I prepared lesson plans; all I kept thinking was "I'm a fraud and I am robbing these children, I don't know what I am doing"...within a few months after these fearful episodes.. I quit my job. The assistant principal tried to convince me that I would learn the job as I continued and that all teachers have self doubt the first few years on the job. I failed to accept this and on the last day of teaching my class I remember bringing in seashells for each of my kids and teaching a lesson about the ocean. As I packed my car with supplies and drove home I was stunned at what I had done and my horrible decision...I was a quitter and I failed.
There are memories that come within our minds that sometimes still sting when we think about them. Everytime I think about that time period in my life a sense of shame and sadness covers me because I find it hard to believe that I let such a golden opportunity pass me by and I failed those kids.
After that experience I took on a job working in a doctor's office and hid behind a desk and a computer for the next several years making about $20,000 less than what I was worth. I would answer phones and type and file and say yes sir and smile. As the years progressed the spirit within me kept saying "you are so much more than this". It was not until I was pregnant with my daughter that I finally decided to go back to a profession which I had so quickly abandoned years ago. By this time NYC had changed it's requirements and when I went to the Department to see if I could find a job as a teacher, the advisor told me "no chance". Since my college degree was not in education I would need to go back to school and either accumulate 30 credits in education or go back and get a Master's degree. I had no money for that, no time, and I was about to have a child. Was I doomed to answering phones for the rest of my life? I thought about it and made a decision. If it took whatever I had to do, every dollar, ounce of time; if I have to breast feed while studying a text book, I was going back to school!
I applied for the education program at Molloy College where tuition was approximately $20,000 a year. I had NO idea where I was going to get the money, none. I knew it was highly unrealistic to consider going to school because I knew there was no way I could afford it. As luck and life would have it I met ANOTHER secretary at a chiropractor's office who told me she was enrolled at Touro College where under a special grant they were accepting students who had a BA in any discipline and the tuition was $525.00 a class, YUP! I was enrolled in Touro within weeks.
I have labored for the past 5 years slowly working towards this degree, working full time, being a mother, and going through life's ups and downs. But I did'nt quit.
Yesterday was the last class of my graduate coursework. I only have student teaching and two licensing exams and I am done. I will have a Master's degree in early childhood general and special education.
I am so grateful to God and to the people who have helped me because there is no way I could have done this without them. I am also thankful for this lesson in life; we may fail, many times but what matters is that you get back up again, and again, and again, and again...just keep it moving.
People, anything is possible. Anything.

The Spiral in Nature, The Cosmic, and The Soul

When I first started making jewelry, I knew immediately that I wanted to work with natural metals and semi precious stones. I do believe in the healing properties and symbolism of various beauties such as amethyst, turquoise, ametrine, citrine, amber etc...you get the point. As you can also see alot of my work lately has been done with spirals. I remember doodling spirals during class in High School, painting spiral images in art class, and I will never forget the lovely spiral images created by Georgia O'Keefe in one of her paintings of a shell. There is something so soothing about creating spirals, it is a never ending pattern starting from deep within and extending itself outward in a continuum. Here are some descriptions I have found regarding this wonderful symbol:

The spiral symbol can represent the consciousness of nature beginning from the core or center and thus expanding outwardly.

Some consider the spiral a symbol of the spiritual journey. It is also considered to represent the evolutionary process of learning and growing. It seems that life doesn't proceed in a straight line. The path of life more closely resembles a spiral. We seem to pass the same point over and over again but from a different perspective each time. To walk and then stand in the center of a spiral or labyrinth has been a psycho-spiritual exercise for centering the consciousness.

The spiral stands for coming into being.

The spiral shows up often in nature - in hurricanes and tornados, in the pattern of seeds in a sunflower, in the growing tips of ferns, in the pattern that leaves grow on a stem, in the shape of a nautilus shell, and, as a helix, the shape of the DNA.

This is what has drawn me to this pattern over and over again in my designs and I find that when I wear my spiral jewelry I do feel centered and balanced ;-) I hope it does the same for you ;-)

I did it.... Etsy Shop up and running

Yay, I finally have my etsy shop up and running. OK maybe I am too excited but I have had about three cups of coffee already and hay dios mio! I have my little etsy shop!

So far as you can see I posted the spiral rings and earrings on etsy. I will have the Tree of Life pendants to follow.

Mothers Day....what's up with some jewelry for mama?

I have been working on my etsy site however it may not be up and running in time for mothers day (working on the images, etc) ANYHOW, if anyone is interested in any items please e-mail me @

cindygutierrez71@yahoo.com

I Have paypal links set up for the tree of life pendants and small spiral wrap rings on this blog, however, I can set up paypal for any individual item that you are interested in.