Some of you may know that upon returning from a great vacation, I found myself in a relationship which for now, has ended. I find myself desperate to move on to the next chapter of my life. This weekend I imagined myself in Miami, Connecticut, Spain, anywhere to be able to be as far away as possible from this heart that is stuck in this body of mine. Like Paula Cole (who by the way is just insanely talented, beautiful and speaks to the heart of every woman) has said "My heart is a POW tangled in my chest". I have struggled to find a way to get away from the feelings of a failed relationship with someone I swore I would be with for the rest of my life. I have kept myself busy with making jewelry and I have spent ALOT of time in deep thought. But reality is, nothing heals the heart like time. It is especially hard when I ponder on the things I did to contribute to my current state of affairs. I am a mother first, I say this because it reminds me that whoever I end up with, will end up with my daughter as well. That bond should be important. I also understand that I can't save anyone. I can barely save myself, and superman is probably NOT coming thru my door either.....we need to be good to ourselves and each other but know, we are not each other's saviors. Also, I just want to laugh. Life was meant to be enjoyed even in adversity, I know this is nuts, I don't even know how you can be happy during adversity but I know this gives us strength and character.
Yesterday I wanted to stay home under the covers and just feel sad. Indulge in a little melancholy. Instead I called Kelly, my neighbor, brought over a bottle of Yellowtail merlot, beads, and my daughter. We sat making earrings, talking, laughing and you know what? I did'nt feel so sad anymore. I was happy to be creating. I am always happy to be creating.